Remember those questions?
What makes you happy?
What makes you excited?
How do you reward yourself?
Do you know the answers? I found that a surprising number of people I talk with do not have an immediate response. Some think for a bit and give a short list; others give up and move on to the next part of the conversation. The funny thing is, I do not expect an immediate response and if I get one, I do not expect it to be clear or completely candid. The answers to these questions can be a lot more complicated than we assume and that’s ok. The answers become apparent as I get to know my clients and they are part of the information I use to determine what motivates them.
Some of my workout buddies!
As I have had more experiences (aka, gotten older), been a parent longer, and have observed and worked with others more closely I have come to the realization that I cannot motivate anyone but myself. No amount of pushing, pulling, cajoling, yelling or silent treatments have resulted in anyone changing their behavior long term, for me. (Note the key words: for me) Those behaviors may impact the relationship (negatively) but they do not bring about positive, permanent changes, no matter how good intentioned I may be in wanting those changes for them. I cannot pour my desire for positive action or change into another person any more than I can pour my passion for helping people become more fit into my Jack Russell Terrier, even as lively as she is! Instead, what I try to do (especially with clients) is help them figure out what makes them happy and excited and how to use that list to establish rewards for themselves.
In general, what makes us happy and excited boils down to the things that are important to us. If your family is important to you, then the things revolving around them are what make you happy or get you excited. The particulars are what become interesting and are what we work to get ferreted out. Additionally, the particulars are different for every individual. So a goal of losing a certain number of pounds may become a goal to fit into the rides at an amusement park, if that is your family’s favorite summer activity.
Using this information, I can use specific language and cues that support the individual and the desired goal. They have revealed their personal motivation and I use it to lead them toward the goal they have set, rather than pushing, pulling or dragging them there-which would wear us both out!
Above all, it is important to remember that it is not about me. These are not my goals, they must be their goals; it is not what motivates me, but what best motivates them.
Next time I will share an activity I have used with clients to help determine what is truly most important to them-here is a teaser:
~In less than 20 seconds, make a list of the first five things that come to mind when asked: what is most important to you-THEN, number them in importance, from one to five-ALL in less than 20 seconds, don’t cheat!
I will explain the rest next time! Until then, Be well and make good choices!
Your Best Fitness Friend
Recent Comments